I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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