Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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