I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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