If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
