plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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