I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
