this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
