My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
