Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
