i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
