i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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