I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
