This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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