So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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