Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
