Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
