woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
