Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
