my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just gargled with NyQuil
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
