Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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