I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
