I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
