My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
