just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
