Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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