I heard we made out
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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