You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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