i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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