You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
