Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
