i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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