i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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