she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
