margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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