i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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