we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
