Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Randomize
