i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He better not be in your backpack
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
