That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
