i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
