apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
