Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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