you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
