Dual....:-)
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
