i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
