I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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