Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
