I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my shit smells like andre
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
