Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
