there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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