Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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