OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
