I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
