I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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